Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
