I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
