Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Terrible idea I love it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize