Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
