I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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