It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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