I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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