dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
