that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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