Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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