i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My breasts were aching with rage.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
