U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
