I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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