oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize