Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
