What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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