I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm both gender and math confused
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
