What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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