I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
