She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
