Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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