AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
