I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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