They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
