I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
