All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
