I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize