you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
