love makes seman taste better
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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