I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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