pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
