hell yes lets make some ravioli
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
