This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
