What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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