I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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