oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
