my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
