Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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