I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
