what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Girls should come with a carfax report
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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