false alarm. still invincible.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
