theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
