Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
