I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
