I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
