I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
