how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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