I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize