We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
