Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
