I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
