If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
