Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize