1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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