my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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