I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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