Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
