i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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