she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
