Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
