yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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