There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
