I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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