just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
