waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
