ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
