he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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