I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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