Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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